We are what we eat. Bananas, radishes, buffalo chicken. No, you’re not morphing shapes every time you take a bite, but your health will be determined by what you put in…such is the scientific and mathematical explanation for our output. Input value is essential. However, if you were Jacques Derrida, or some other philosopher, and you didn’t think within the parameters of arithmetic logic, you might say “perception is reality”. In other words, we are what we see.
It’s a shallow concept: evaluating ourselves and one another based solely on physical appearance. But truthfully, we are all guilty. I don’t mean to become so deeply engrained in discussions of society’s narcissism. I’m trying to make a point to everyone in the women’s football world. Whether you’re a gameday manager, a team owner, or the president of the league, we have a serious problem. Our statistics are repulsive, and we’re being judged by them.
All you have to do is go to the IWFL’s website, and look at the stats per team. As soon as you see that the Carolina Phoenix had 136 interception touchdowns in 2011 you’ll have the same reaction I did. “What the *&%$ is this?” Unless Darelle Revis AND Antonio Cromartie spent the offseason playing in the IWFL, that statistic is light years off base. And I don’t plan on hacking the server to figure out if it is a software glitch or human error. It’s much more than that little oversight…it’s the widespread lack of stat reporting and recording all across the world of women’s football.
Many of my talented teammates have missed out on All-Star appearances due to the invisilibilty of their stats to league reps.
Before we can analyze a solution for our horrendous appearance, we have to find the reason.
1. Our clothes are mismatched: is that because we were tired when we woke up? Translation: we were so busy trying to get everyone’s uniforms, gear, and paperwork sent in that we forgot to hire a stat guy.
2. Our face is breaking out: did we forget to take our makeup off last night? Translation: we were in such a rush to get to bed (or the bar) on Saturday night we didn’t send in our stats.
3. Our hair looks scary: should we have avoided that new salon? Translation: we hired a stat guy, went to send it in, and realized it was totally wrong (the girl with the broken leg on the sideline probably DIDN’T have 2 fumble recoveries and a 50 yard punt).
4. Last but not least: we only look this bad because our “friend” put Nair in our shampoo – Translation: the OTHER team was supposed to report them, but they didn’t/screwed it all up.
It can be very challenging to find capable stat teams. But one good option is simply hiring extra officials. Most officials are familiar enough with the game to take good stats. You can often pay a couple of assistant coaches from your home stadium’s varsity team also (they are grossly underpaid and have less work in the late spring and early summer). Remember: the more the merrier when it comes to the press box. Good stat keepers and spotters make the announcer’s job easier, which leads to a better gameday presentation.
It’s also a struggle to afford statisticians if you’re a small market/low budget team. So my suggestion is this: have an extra fundraiser, or stop wasting everyone’s time. As harsh as it sounds, making an extra $500 is as easy as picking up another player or selling some discount cards. If small market teams aren’t willing or able to make their season happen in a way that befits the image of our league (and that of our goals and mission), then they have no business attempting to field a team. Having a developmental/practice team would be an option for those in such dire straits.
Lastly, if you’re going to do your stats yourself via film, avoid distractions. Giving the wrong player a touchdown won’t just make someone angry, it could cost them an appearance in the All-American game, or cause them to lose a sponsor.
Some come on people, have some pride in yourself. Brush your hair, take a shower, and don’t wear white after Labor Day (or is it Memorial Day?). Because even if we train hard, put on nice clean uniforms, and give our website swagger, the minute Rick Reilly heads to the WFA’s stat page and sees top teams who haven’t reported all their games, he’s going to roll his eyes and go back to his Netflix queue. So owners, hire someone decent. Sideline managers, go look over his shoulder for a few plays. And league staff, start playing hardball with stat reporting. We need to look professional to be taken seriously, because perception is reality…even if you’ve eaten all your greens.
LOVE IT!!!!! great article